Sunday, November 21, 2010

Silence.

Always thinking of the future. And it scares me more than anything...theres so many "what if's" that come with Diabetes that sometimes I over-think myself. What if I go blind in ten years? What if I need an amputation? What if...just something happens that isn't reversable, again. Diabetes is alot for me mentally at times. I also hate when people say "Dustin, why are you so quiet, are you mad?". Well, to be honest...yes, I am mad. I'm mad that my pancreas doesn't work. I'm mad that my family has to worry about me. I'm mad because there is so much uncertainty that comes with Type 1 Diabetes. I get mad sometimes just because I have to watch everyone around me eat whatever they want and not worry about counting carbs and injecting themselves with needles, while I have to count carbohydrates and inject myself insulin. I'm mad because I have to poke my finger with a piece of sharp metal to draw blood so I can check what my BG is. This probably sounds like me complaining, and I should probably just shut the hell up and move on. I normally am in a positive mood about this, but when everything piles up high enough, your mind can only take so much. This felt good. It'll feel better when it's published.

4 comments:

  1. Just keep in good heath as best as possible, and keep up on your shit and you should have no worries! Well, not entirely true...but it doesnt hurt to keep up on that stuff.

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  2. that's really what i exactly feel when i m in high BG.

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  3. It does help to just get it all out sometimes. I'm glad that you are able to keep a positive attitude most of the time. It can be tough when, as you say, the pile gets high.

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  4. I get mad... a lot. And it is common for people with diabetes to suffer from depression...the mental stress of the "what if" game is overwhelming. Then there is the fact that even if we keep our bodies healthy and our blood sugar in check, we can still suffer complications. It's not fair. It's the hand we were delt, but why us? I totally understand. Vent anytime in blog form, trust me, we won't think you are complaining....we understand!

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