Friday, August 12, 2011

My Nightmare

When I went into a diabetic coma, and came out of it, it was a rough journey. But there was one part of it when I came out of the coma briefly and blacked back out. 

I woke up in a darkened room, tied down by thick rubber bands on my hands, feet, and another one across my stomach to keep me from moving.

I was terrified.

I remember screaming "where am I!? Is this a dream!? Why can't I move!? My mouth is dry! Get me out of here!"

I saw a silhouette of a male doctor walking around me, and telling me where I was and why I was there. He was assigned to sit next to me for my stay in that room. I never saw his face, never asked what his name was.

I don't remember much of what he told me, but it went something like this.

Me - (crying and begging) "my mouth is so dry sir, can I please get something to drink, I just need something'

Doctor - "I'm sorry sir, but all I'm allowed to give you right now is drops of water from this sponge"

He dunked a sponge in a cup of water and put it above my mouth, and let one or two drops of water fall into my mouth.

I wanted more.

Me - (begging) "sir, I love you, I seriously love you, can you please give me another, my mouth is so dry, I just want some water"

Doctor - (chuckling) "I know, I'm only doing what I was told to do, that's all I can give you at a time. Let's wait some time and I will give you more"

After that I don't know what happened, I assume I blacked back out.

The next time I woke up would be in a brightly lit room, with my Mother standing across from me with tears in her eyes. And that's when I started my recovery from a blood sugar of 1200, not for me, but for my Mother. It killed me on the inside to see her like that, just as I'm sure it killed her to see her 20 year old son half-dead.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Silent Advocacy

Even though I've been in the DOC for close to a year now, I'm still new at the whole advocating, blogging,  and just being comfortable with whipping out my pump in public to bolus. When I was on MDI's I would hide every trace of me being a diabetic so no one would think I was some kind of freak. But being in the DOC has made me more proud of the fact that I am a person with diabetes. Let's face it, I think becoming a diabetic has made me a much better PERSON in general.

I was at Dairy Queen waiting for my friends to arrive. And I was rocking my "Diabetik" shirt which has this big needle on it. With a shirt like that I might as well been running around, flailing my arms screaming "LOOK AT ME I'M A DIABETIC AND I LOVE NEEDLES AND STABBING MYSELF!". So once my friends showed up, I stepped out of my car and started walking towards the building. There was a lot of people in line, most of which turned and stared at me, and I felt like it was because the shirt I wore stood out so much.

In that moment I didn't really mind that everyone was staring, I was doing "silent advocacy" by wearing that shirt. Because for the people that saw it, they saw a young, skinny diabetic. That in itself dispelled the myth that you have to be overweight, or fit a certain criteria to be a person with diabetes. While standing in line I explained to my friends how amazing the DOC is and how much it helped me, I showed them my pump and they were blown away at how amazing this technology is.

I did a bolus for the Arctic Rush I bought while I was in line, and I didn't even care that my 43 inches of pump tubing was sailing in the wind afterward even though there were people everywhere who could clearly see it. I'm proud of my diabetes, and I'm proud of everyone in the DOC who has helped me become what I am right now.

Diabetes may be my greatest weakness, but now it's also my greatest strength.